surprise! I’m already learning things and I haven’t even left yet…

This trip is starting to teach me lessons faster than I could have imagined. Coming to terms with my fears, guilts, and worries about going into this trip is not only enlightening but also humbling. Fears of being away from people and their lives continuing without me. Guilt about not seeing them more before I leave and about being too excited about my trip, which somehow has twisted its way into feeling like I’m excited about leaving people I love. But, I have to remind myself it's not excitement about leaving my people, in fact that feels like it takes the air out of my chest. It’s excitement about endless new experiences and things I can’t even imagine yet occurring at any given second. This fear about people’s lives continuing without me is enlightening as it shows me how much love I do have for them. I want to be there to bear witness to every accomplishment, stumble, belly laugh, sniffle-full cry, just everything. But as enlightening as that is, it is also humbling to know that all of the ups and downs will occur whether I am there or not, their lives will continue just as they should, as mine is in a different part of the world. While as fearful as I am, I am also so incredibly grateful that I have so many people that have the most incredible moments coming their way in this next chapter. Friends and family starting relationships, graduating college, building community through movement, starting graduate programs, also traveling, moving, dancing, singing, laughing, loving, all of it. 

As the take off date gets closer and closer it is not only the excitement that grows it is also the fear, the guilt, the worries… but I got a reminder yesterday that I shouldn’t put limitations on my emotions. Certainly not the excitement, but definitely not the “negative” emotions either. There is no good that comes from shrinking the bounds of my emotional spectrum. Another of the reminders I got yesterday was to be present with exactly what is happening in front of me. I can take notes from the past and observe the feelings that arise, as well as ponder the future without setting expectations, but in every second what is truly valuable is what I can draw from every moment. Whether that be sounds, tastes, textures, colors, etc. those are the things that will keep me present in this adventure. The final lesson I can take away from my weekend is that I have every tool within myself to return to a steady baseline when I am being pulled away from it. Of course this can be aided by support from my community, whoever is in that at different points along this adventure. But, I feel capable of approaching my fears, worries, and guilt because I know I have every answer within myself already, it is just about trusting that I can find them when I need them. 

So, as I come face to face with all of the limitlessly difficult feelings of leaving (let’s face it’s fomo), although daunting, I am attempting to not limit my belief in myself as I am attempting to live without limits on my emotions in the first place. 

Thanks for checking in on how this journey is going <3

I love and miss you!

Luna